You killed it. You'll never know how much it hurt.

I didn't want to write why I was broken on that plate because it would have been your name and my heart. And I know I'm not strong enough to smash it again.

You already took care of it, didn't you?



...yes, this is cryptic. I don't really care about that. It's far too long and complicated for that.

The basic gist?

The only boy I ever loved decided that he liked one of my best friends. Then I had to help him ask her out. Now I have to watch them date and pretend like it doesn't bother me.

So I'm heartbroken, basically.

I don't have any sad icons.

OK, so I said the code name for the guy I liked was Loser? REMEMBER THAT.
I'm gonna look back on this in a few years and go "eww."
But anyway. This is the cliche drama that goes down with Loser and me.

Loser is this guy I've known since 1st grade (so that would be, like, 8 years). He hung out with these guys I was tight with (JES OMG SHOUT-OUT) and he used to beat me up. He won't admit to this though. Every time I brought it up he went "nooo i didn't" so I eventually dropped it.
In 5th grade, Loser started going to my church (or this is the time he SAYS he started going to my church. I seem to remember him there earlier...) He had this friend, Andrew, who was his best church friend. Andrew and I had known each other for a long, long time, so we ended up hanging out with Loser too.
Andrew, Loser, and I all went to this church camp over the summer that year (going into 6th.) We had fun, but Andrew moved to, like, Minnesota or something. Loser didn't go to camp the next year. I did, I still do, but I don't really want to anymore...
In 7th grade, I started really talking to Loser at school. That was when I met his best friend, Cameron. They were skating outside the school, and a friend and I happened to go over to them. That right there was the beginning of ACTUAL friendship. FRIENDSHIP, mind you. I didn't like him then, no matter what anyone says.
8th grade.
During the year, I met Stephen, Loser's other best friend. He seemed to like me, as a friend, at least. But no. I don't even remember where it started, but Stephen hates me now. Anyway, that's beside the point. At Christmas, though I knew who he liked right then, I looked over at him during our church service. I was sandwiched between my two gorgeous relatives: my half-sister Sara and my cousin Louisa. Both of them are way more beautiful than I will ever be, no matter what Sara says about looking good without eyeliner.
As I looked over at him, this thought came into my head:
I love you, Loser.
Then I acted very strange. I'm sure Louisa thinks I'm insane. I shook my head, trying to clear the stupid thought. It wouldn't go away.
Those feelings lingered. They're still here. Everyone say hi to the feelings!
HI FEELINGS!!
The drama wasn't over, though. I really wish it was.
Fast forward to last week. We're on our class trip to Dorney Park. I see Loser and he's with...
DUN DUN DUN...
Heather. This girl I hate.
Loser and I...we still acted the same, even though he's dating Heather. That annoyed Heather endlessly.
This, according to what Sara says, drove her to tell me he told her I was ugly and pale.
Honestly. Right then I knew my heart was breaking.
But Sara convinced me. Plus the fact that, I know him. For one thing, he has about the same skin color as I do.
For another, he talked to me normally. He wouldn't do that if he'd said things like what Heather said he said.
So I guess Heather was just jealous.
Again, NOT WHERE THE DRAMA ENDS.
Heather was still dating her old bf when she asked Loser out. He knew that.
So why did he say yes?
Apparently, he said yes because HE LIKED THE ATTENTION SHE GAVE HIM. Then, when asked more, he told people he liked her. But from what he said to me, she was more annoying to him than anything else.

I will never understand guys.
I wonder what'll happen this summer...hopefully nothing. Hopefully I'll be left alone to get over him like I should.
I'll miss his smile, though. And his weird music taste, his drumming, his jokes, the fun teasing we do with each other...
I'll miss him.
Shit.

OK. This is my first post.
OMGIKNO.
You *totally* couldn't guess that from the subject xD
lol.
So anywayz, I'm sitting here at like, midnight, and I'm bored out of my mind. So I says to myself, I says:
Why don't you make a LJ? It'd be better than sitting here, doing nothing in particular.
So I do.
I'm pointing out the obvious tonight. :P
So yeah, I'm just sitting here and I wanted to post.
TODAY WAS MY FIRST FULL DAY AS A FRESHMAN.
hehehehe...
in case you couldn't guess, I graduated middle school yesterday.
I'm SO excited for high school.
I'm going to a really good one, too. I get to have theater arts class! YAYAYAYAY!!
And what did I do on my first full day as a freshman?
I slept. A lot. XD I love summer.
SO can't wait to see my dearest friendsies again, though.
'Specially Loser.
Loser is the codename for the guy I like. lol, you should know that because...I will be talking about him. A lot.
Anyway, now I'm going to wander off into the unknown of the internet...later, loves!